For years I have said I want to write a blog. I want to share what I know about the day to day life of being a stay at home mom, I mean a work from home mom who's trying to find the balance between running a business and being there full time for my kids. Sometimes I lack the confidence to even call myself a business owner or entrepreneur and I think of myself as a freelance photographer instead of business owner because sometimes that seems like less pressure or expectations. I will "take a break," "not market my work," self sabotage, write down my ideas but hold off on following them because that's easy. It's hard to put yourself out there. It's hard to do something that may not see any real rewards or immediate results for quite some time.
I have been given so much encouragement by others. People that tell me how much they love following our adventures with the girls or how they enjoy seeing photos. People that appreciate the advice, tips, recommendations that I direct message, text, comment or tell them. If I just put a little effort and gathered all the messages, comments, posts/captions and such that on a daily basis I am sharing and compile them into blog posts it would have had a huge blog by now.
I can find time to respond to others and to reach out to give advice and recommendations. But somehow writing a blog post seems like such a giant task and I never know quite where to begin. How do I tell my story? I always want to give the background first but I am excited about sharing something else first then writing the intro I get stuck then just don't post anything. I want to plan it out 20 steps ahead...I will talk about traveling with kids, Disney, coffeeshops, our coffeeshop park project, local events, nature, science, exploring with kids, photography, wait but also the struggles, it's tough being a mom and business owner, heck just being a parent is tough.... But I can't say it all in one post and I want too so where do I begin?... Never mind the baby's up and almost time to pick up big sister and oh my I never had lunch. Then months go by.
So enough with the excuses. Here I am writing this first blog post or rather starting again blog post for the (I lost count what number I am on) time with one finger on my cell phone (Which is madness how do we type emails and texts like this all day? ) With a baby sleeping next to me. I haven't showered, stomach is starting to rumble cause it's after noon but it's quiet and I am inspired to finally do the damn thing so here we are.
And I always get stuck deciding/finding what photos to go with the many blog posts I have typed in my notes app--there's some great material in there whenever I die be sure to read those and unsend draft emails sometimes I save there too and my random notebooks/journals. So I am taking this awful unshowered what the hell am I even wearing selfie of me right now in this moment to get this posted. Then I can move on from that awkward how do I begin post because that's it I took that scary first step. I might fall but it's ok.
I recently told a friend "sometimes we have to stop and look back and realize how much we have [and also how far we have come] it's so tough when you're in the thick of it." I don't know where this blog is going to go or become. There's no plan for what posts when or fancy branding or even a good description but hopefully I will look back and realize the humble beginnings.
There are days I get frustrated with our tiny home that still doesn't have photos on the wall or our long list of projects to do or I think about our careers and how much further ahead I wish we were or how the girls are exhausting me and I want a break and the phase seems so long. Then I think back to being nine months pregnant waiting tables and not being able to leave the job because it was our only health insurance and we needed the money because we had no idea how we were going to afford a kid, even buying diapers that first month or two was rough. Or the time I had to drive home with Jon following me jumping the car so many times along the way to drive it to the shop--that I was not even the worse car I owned. The Alero car stories with it's ducktaped window and the boot deserves it's own post some day. Or I think about the difficulty potty training Annabelle (well it was easy when she was ready but waiting for that was tough) or all her little quirks and eating habits and as we are starting all over in that journey with our eight month old (that was a long and fast 8 months)
I try to remember looking at my 6 year old that the journey is filled with so many ups and downs but you will make it through and wonder how fast it went. So this time around I am soaking in the sleeping baby and not stressing even if it means typing a blog with one finger--or currently two thumbs, yeah upgrade! See and to think just 20 minutes ago I was typing with one finger, progress.
Well I wrote this on September 24 and on October 13 (one day after Madeleine turned 9 months) I finally hit publish.